Guest Writer People Random Chronicles

The day Nairobi Slay Queens drugged me back to my senses

Exactly five years ago, at a time like this, I was a devastated man. After being reduced to owning only a mattress, a duvet, two pairs of shoes, a couple of T-shirts and jeans, I thought that was the very worst that could happen to me and it was now time to rebuild and start over.

But just as I was contemplating my my next move, my girl called.

“We can’t do this any more Samora,” she said after my, “Hey babe.”  “Just let me be. Azin, you have to much drama following you since campus. You need to get your sh@# together men. You can’t…”

I hanged up. I couldn’t take another long explanation why things weren’t going my way and everything around me was tumbling.

It was too much.

I’d really like to say this was my bedsitter but nope. Keep scrolling.

I went back to my head hoping to figure out my next move. I tried for a few hours but just couldn’t come up with an impactful solution. My mind was clogged with too much anger and disappointment. My bedsitter was cabin fevering me too. I knew even if I came up with a solution it would be emotional based, fueled mostly by the need to revenge.

So I picked up my Tecno and called my friend Alex. I normally refer to him as the stress-plumber cos of how he deals with your problems(or his), making sure they are suppressed or pushed down your mind — not solved — until when you are in the right state of mind to attack them.

I explained what happened and he was like, “I feel you bro, let me come over with several Kibaos (vodka). I will turn this day into your happiest manigga.”

At least there’s someone who still cares, I told myself. A few hours later, I saw a 6’5” frame outside my door. It’s Alex.

Lebron, open up,” he yelled. I could see three bottles of Kibao in his green plastic bag.

READ ALSO: Confessions of a 20 something year old Kenyan man trying to find himself

He called me Lebron because i’m a huge Lebron James fan

So we sat on my mattress and we talked and talked as we sipped the cheap drink, Alex visibly feeling bad for me but trying everything not to show it.

“But I thought she also loved you?” he cursed. “This campus ladies are always like that though. Once you both graduate, they make it clear you were just a campus boyfriend. As matter of fact Samorai, you should be glad your ‘IT’S OVER’ came after a year. Mine took just months.”

I gave him a cold look, wondering if I actually called the right guy to console me.

“C’mon,” he shrugged, liquor clearly in his system now. “You know what you need? Let’s go out drink and forget all this. We hunt for a few women, get lucky and shake off this bad look. We are superstars Samorai. We’ve been in deeper sh$# than this.”

I agreed…or Kibao did, five years later, i’m not yet sure.

Kabao is a cheap vodka that campus and ex-campus guys cherished in my day.

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Hours later, and several kilometers from my kacube in Kahawa West, we were in a jam-packed club. Ksh 300 was what I had. Alex had Ksh 2000 but we were already drunk so we didn’t need much. Plus this was five years ago, you could buy a club and a few waitresses with that amount.

“What do you think of those two ladies?” Alex shouted in the blaring music. “They are really looking at you. I know you Samorai. You are a beast. Go fetch boy.”

Kibao responded.

This time i’m sure because I staggered shamelessly to the ladies and introduced myself. They giggled and both stretched their arms for a hug. I couldn’t believe it. I barely said a word and my “Hi” sounded like a growl.

I motioned Alex to join us. He took his time( a good hunting trick) and arrived just as one of the young ladies was concluding her long rant of how USIU was frustrating her.

“So, They’re from USIU eehh,” Alex whispered. “I told you we’d get lucky. Thank me later manigga. For now let’s think of making each other proud.”

No, my bedsitter wasn’t this bad though

After a few drinks, the ladies asked whether we can move to a less noisy place. This was music to our ears. They ordered us to buy takeways as they looked for a cab.

We did.

The cab came and off we left. The destination, however, wasn’t clear because my house had nothing and Alex stayed with his parents. The ladies must have picked our conversation. We were edgy.

“We can go whichever place you guys want to go,” one muttered.

My God, Alex was right. This day just keeps getting better and better, Kibao told me. I have never seen such co-operation from random ladies in my life!


I suddenly felt a sharp pain massage my cheeks. I tried opening my eyes but they weren’t co-operating. A second slap jerked me awake. A bouncer was talking to me but I couldn’t hear what he was saying at all, just like in a scene of one of those action movies after a loud bomb went off and the star tries to speak to his partner.

The sun was bright and the club was empty.

“Toka , enda nyumabani kijana,” I picked the bouncer’s last sentence before he walked away. Besides me was Alex also struggling to wake up. He had no belt or shoes. His watch was also missing.

This is actually a piece of my bedsitter a few weeks after the ‘mchele’ incident. Not baaad..just dirty.

My head was spinning.  I had no shoes too. My Jordans. My Jordans were missing. No phone. No belt. I tried figuring out where we were but I couldn’t. I feebly stood up and staggered to a cleaner nearby.

“What club is this,” I stammered.

“Dragon club,” she said with little concern. “Dragon? iko wapi?” I went on. 

She then looked at me flatly… “Githurai???”

“We were drugged,” I turned around and yelled at Alex who was just as confused. “Those wh%$# robbed us. Tuliekewa mchele the moment they heard I have nothing in my house and they ditched us in Githurai. Let’s go home. So much for my lucky night right?”

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So, slowly we started our journey towards West. Outside, it was a normal day and normal Kenyans were on their way to work. No word was said in the forty-minutes walk.

Dragon Bar and Grill is a popular bar in Githurai 44

In the forty minutes, I finally got a chance to think critically.

My choices were the reason why I was in this very position. Bad choices lead to a bad life. I stopped blaming that campus girl or any other person that I thought had “ruined me.”

In my bedsitter, as I finally crashed on my mattress, I silently thanked those two ladies who masqueraded as students, I thanked Alex and I thanked myself because all for them led to those forty minutes.

Some really important forty minutes of my life that came with a concrete life lesson!

Let’s meet next Friday! 


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